Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He shit in the fireplace
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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