Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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