I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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