remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize