SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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