I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize