i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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