just tell him i said nine months
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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