Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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