I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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