Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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