haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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