i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize