I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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