dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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