I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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