I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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