She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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