I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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