How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize