Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize