How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize