I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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