I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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