Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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