so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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