She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize