hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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