Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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