I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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