I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize