I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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