Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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