Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize