Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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