the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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