I wanna passion pit in your ass
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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