Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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