I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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