don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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