Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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