my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
try to milk me bitch
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