you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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