eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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