I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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