By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize