Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize