Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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