see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize