I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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